Abrupt Silence After Vacationing Together

Obsessing about the end of a friendship and accepting rejection

Photo wwworks at Flickr

Dear Nina,

I’ve listened to many episodes of your podcast and especially connected with the ones about ghosting. (#7 and #47). I tried applying the lessons from those episodes, but I am struggling. 

Here's the story: I moved a few years ago and got close with a new friend, “Katie.” She became an important part of my life and our families became close. Our kids are in the same school, neighborhood, and we’re in the same social groups. We talked or texted multiple times a week.

Not long ago our families vacationed together at Katie’s insistence and had a good time. There were no fights or issues though it wasn't without the normal struggles. I mean, traveling with a bunch of little kids will get to anyone. But she even called me on the way home and thanked us for joining them on the trip, saying they had a great time.

When we got home, I expected us to fall back into our normal routine. That did NOT happen. Katie rarely responded, or would answer with one word.

I continued inviting her to dinners, walks, or coffee. Nothing. Eventually I texted asking if I had done something to upset her and said I would love the opportunity to listen and apologize if I had hurt her, as it was certainly not my intention, and that she is important to me.

Katie responded, insisting she was just busy and there was nothing wrong.

Over the next year, I saw social media posts of her many outings with other friends so it is obvious that she has time to hang out, just not with me. I'm not upset about her other friendships. It clarifies that she's available enough to hang out with the people she wants to see.

So, I'm writing because after waiting it out and giving her space for a year, it’s coming up on the anniversary of our trip, and I think the anniversary is bringing up a lot of hurt feelings. I am seeking advice on how to move on and stop worrying over it. I haven't texted or called in the past 7 months or so since I finally got Katie's hint, but I am emotionally struggling with it, and my resentment continues to grow.

It is taking up so much brain space, and I want to move on instead of continuing to fret over it. Katie has made her choice, and I'm not trying to get an answer on why or change her mind. I just want to be done and move on myself.

Any advice is appreciated, “Ghosted”