An Ode to Couple Friends + Finding Delia Ephron

Bryan, Taryn, and I continue the conversation via text

This week I released an episode with my husband, Bryan, in which we candidly discussed how our marriage has benefited from focusing on friendships with other couples.

A listener sent me an anonymous comment a few days later, which I tossed to Bryan on a text along with Taryn, my best friend who has been a guest on Dear Nina three times.

But what if your friends hate your romantic partner?

Actually, Taryn texted us first. She’s a good friend!

Taryn:

Hi! I just listened to your podcast 😍 So cute! 

Do we agree that the couple you mentioned who hates each other's friends are waving a red flag? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I agree with Bryan that they should still work on finding couple friends.

Bryan:

Thanks Taryn! Yes, I agree that if couples hate each other's friends it's likely an issue. Depending on the intensity and reasons, it can be anywhere between a light orange and bright red light. Definitely something to work on for sure.

Me:

Can I quote you guys in my newsletter? (See! I always ask permission.)

Also, in my anonymous form, a listener made a comment from a slightly different angle. I’m quoting it below.

“I would have liked to have heard your thoughts on how healthy it is or if it’s indicative of something wrong if all of your friends don’t like your spouse or vice versa.”

Bryan:

Ooph. Yes, this is a little different, but related. Two things.

#1: I'd add a caveat to my comments above. A spouse not liking one or two friends is not a big deal. It's when a spouse doesn't like the vast majority or all of the friends that there's likely a significant issue.

#2. I think when friends don't like the spouse, it most likely means that the spouse has chosen bad friends or the wrong spouse. Sometimes a person grows differently from his or her friends, but it doesn't become apparent until they choose a spouse who doesn't blend with their current friends.

In this case the indicator is that the person has outgrown their friends. That said, if the friends are still active friends that are in sync with the person, it's probably not a good sign if they almost universally do not like the spouse or potential spouse.

I agree with Bryan on this one. I suspect Taryn does too, but she had to get on with her life today. I couldn’t wait for her answer before finishing my newsletter.

I’d love to hear what readers think! I’m opening the Substack comments section to all levels of subscribers for this one.

Let’s discuss it together.

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FOR A FUTURE EPISODE:

What Are Your Favorite Gift Ideas For Friends & From Friends?

Can you think of some favorite gifts you've received from friends or have given to friends? If I get enough answers—written or on the voice mail—I'd love to make an episode out of the answers. I think it would help all of us to hear some new ideas. I’m happy to use your name or keep it anonymous.

• Email here: ninabadzin@gmail.com

• Leave a voicemail (which can be used on the show)

• Leave an anonymous comment

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TV Update

• I regret recommending Tell Me Lies on Hulu. The ending was so awful that it ruined the entire series for me.

• I’m enjoying From Scratch on Netflix.

• Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu started out slow and rough this season, but the last few episodes have exhibited some excellent character development (Serena!!) and plot twists.

• Life With Beth on Hulu was just okay. I was compelled to finish, but I wouldn’t recommend it per se.

• Abbott Elementary was as good and sweet as everyone said.

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Reading Update

Book covers of Delia Ephron’s last two memoirs

I’m on a Delia Ephron kick, and it’s hard to believe I’ve never read any of her writing before. I’ve seen the movies she co-wrote with her sister, Nora, so I’ve watched and heard Delia’s work, but I’ve never read her books.

I finished Sister, Mother, Husband, Dog and I recently started Left on Tenth. It’s been so interesting to engage with family “characters” I already learned about from the many Nora Ephron essays I’ve read over the years. I might have to make my way through all the Ephron sisters. Delia writes about Nora’s illness and death in Sister, Mother, Husband, Dog. What an enormous loss.

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If You’d Like to Support a Local Bookshop AND My Show

Use code ‘dearnina’ for 10% off all online orders at my favorite local Minneapolis bookstore, Cream & Amber.

Check out the books I recommend often these days!

And here’s my 2022 reading list so far.

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Thanks for reading, listening, and being part of this community who cares about friendship.

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