Every now and then I come across a book I cannot stop recommending. The most current example is Emma Nadler’s memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden, about Emma’s daughter, Eden, who was born with a rare genetic deletion.
If you’ve read the book, you’ll get the camping reference in today’s newsletter title. If you haven’t read the book, you should! No spoilers here.
There’s a moment from my chat with Emma on Dear Nina about humor and lightness in friendship that I want to dwell on for a moment.
Emma wrote: "People who could handle how demolished I sometimes felt and yet also access some levity were everything to me during the early years of Eden's life."
I read Emma’s lines back to her during our episode because they struck me as so relatable. Many of us worry about how to act around friends going through a particularly hard time.
What if we could just . . . be ourselves? And what if that was the best thing we could do for a friend?
I loved this nudge from Emma. She was looking for friends’ kindness and understanding, of course. But she also wanted a reminder of the person she was before her life turned upside down. And she still wanted to be that person in this new upside world.
Emma seemed to be saying, don’t turn me into a tragic figure.
In the show, Emma said:
That quote is about holding the hard and let's still make a good life. Let's still find joy. Let's still laugh as much as we humanly can together. Let's still dance in our living room and let's cry sometimes because that's part of being alive and that's part of holding this heavy thing. And to me, finding people who were able to hold both and be with me in all those kinds of moments---That was what was most helpful to me.
. . . a lot of this process for me has been about declaring that I am still going to have a good life. And I have to watch my daughter suffer, and that is really hard. I wish I could take that away. I wish I could make it better for her. She struggles with a lot of medical challenges. Vomiting. She's on a feeding tube. She has a lot of behavioral challenges that are really difficult. And I still want to say we can still have a good life and fight for that.
And I want to be around people who believe that too, and don't pity us or think that we're less than because we have this kind of wild thing we're doing. And there are a lot of people out there who are willing to go along with that adventure and really be allies.
Sometimes I cannot believe I get to have these discussions and connect with all of these thoughtful, talented guests.
If you’ve been enjoying the podcast . . . ?
I’m asking for one—okay fine—two favors because podcast growth comes from two things:
#1. Word of mouth. All you have to do is tell some friends!
#2. Ratings and reviews. Annoying, I know. The direct link to my podcast’s Apple page is here. Scroll down from there to leave five stars and write a short review. Spotify accepts stars and reviews, too. Thank you!
I’m still talking about group texts, because I am HERE TO SERVE.
For yet another riff against thumbs-upping and hearting every comment in a group chat, check out the re-release of the episode with Kat Vellos where my inner curmudgeon pulls up a comfy seat. Kat and I have practical tips in this episode to help your group chats function well. Take me up on this! Better yet, share it with your friends and colleagues because they're the ones who need this advice. Am I right?
Articles About Friendship I’ve Liked Lately
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
“The 3:6 Rule of Making Adult Friendships” I found this so interesting. And I agree with it. By Jillian Quint in PureWow
“During My Divorce, Close Friends Became a Parachute” by Maggie Smith in the NYT
Latest TV Shows I’m Watching and Books I’m Reading
I finished Gretchen Rubin’s newest, Life in Five Senses. I tend to connect with all of her work, and this one was no exception. I’m excited to have Gretchen on Dear Nina later this week!
I also finished reading an early release of Congratulations, The Best is Over! by R. Eric Thomas. I really liked it! His humor just speaks to me.
Also in the humor category, I’m almost done listening to Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby. I haven’t missed a single book or article of hers. I don’t love the poop/pee stuff (sorry to be so square, but I am who I am). I ADORE the rest. There’s a Dave Matthews and a Sex and the City essay in this collection that had my eyes watering with laughter. And there’s a bit about salad bars that made me feel so seen.
I finished listening to Maggie Smith’s newest memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful. I absolutely adored it.
My on-going 2023 reading list with pithy reviews is here.
I’m still watching Succession, Ted Lasso, and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. They’re all good and/or disappointing depending on the episode. Ted Lasso is getting a little “after-school special” for me.
I finished The Diplomat. It was good because Keri Russell can do no wrong. But it took awhile to get going, then it was two episodes too short.
Latest Anonymous Friendship Question
The most recent question is about letting a 20-year friendship fade away when it’s clear the other person isn’t interested in keeping in touch, visiting, or traveling together. But I also advise: DO NOT SET A FADING FRIENDSHIP ON FIRE!
A new question and answer is coming in early June. Don’t miss it!
Have an anonymous question or an episode idea you want to share with me?
You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
Have a great week everyone!
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"Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep." We need friends that can do both.
Love Emma's use of "and" instead of" but." Two opposite things can be true at once. She can be joyful and anguished. Exhausted and playful. And her friends who really show up for her, share that perspective.
I just finished (and loved) You Could Make This Place Beautiful. Maggie Smith said a similar thing: "I'd been insisting on joy, clawing my way back to it, since the divorce." Both books really show the power of deeply authentic and caring friendships during hard times.