Excluded Because I'm Sober

Do I say something to my friend, or let it be?

Photo by Kelsey Chance on Unsplash

Have a friendship dilemma? 

You can tell me about it, anonymously.

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Since I Got Sober, My Friend Stopped Inviting Me

Dear Nina,

“Zoe” and I are in our 30s. We’ve been friends since fourth grade. And although we’ve been on and off in our closeness through the years, we became tight after I got sober over six years ago. Zoe is not sober, but she’s been by my side.

Sobriety made me lose friends who were not healthy for me, and that’s okay. I have accepted that those friendships couldn’t last, but I have struggled with finding new friends since a lot of activities in my 20s revolved around drinking. That is why the friends I do have in my life, like Zoe, are people I really cherish. I consider Zoe one of my closest friends.

The last two years Zoe planned birthday celebrations that I was not invited to, but she posts all over social media so it’s not a secret. My other friends have been invited, but not me. Last year I looked beyond it, but this year I’m really hurt.

I’m lost on what to do. Do I stay friends with Zoe? Do I say something to her? Or do I just let it be?

Thanks, “Janine”

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Dear Janine,

First, congrats on over six years of sobriety. This is an increasingly difficult task in a world where numbing ourselves with all kinds of substances is celebrated and encouraged everywhere we turn. And it’s not just in your 20s.

I’m starting with quick answers to your questions. Those questions were:

• Do I stay friends with Zoe?

• Do I say something to her?

• Or do I just let it be?