Sometimes we hurt a friend unintentionally, but an apology is still in order. Is there a friend who might be waiting for you to say, "I'm sorry?" Are you ready to forgive the friend who comes to you with an apology?
This week’s episode is the episode where we encourage you to think about forgiveness—asking for it and granting it.
I finally have MY MOM back on the show! We encouraged each other to think about the friends we might have hurt without realizing we have done so. We also talked about grudges and shared some personal stories of our own pettiness, others' pettiness, and we laughed a bit too.
Naturally the timing of this episode is inspired by the Jewish holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but the discussion is valuable and relatable no matter your background--Jewish OR NOT.
Join us as we navigate this special time of year dedicated to self-reflection and saying we're sorry, inspiring you to reconsider your relationships and how you handle grudges and forgiveness.
🎧 Listen to episode 72 anywhere you get your podcasts!
Quotes and resources we mentioned in the episode:
The 20 questions that my husband, Bryan, uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
The article I wrote for Kveller in 2014, "Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come"
The article I wrote for The Jewish Daily Forward in 2013, "The Benefit of the Doubt for the New Year"
Other episodes featuring my mom:
Two quotes by Maggie Smith in her book, Keep Moving:
“Maybe we say ‘holding a grudge’ because that kind of resentment is a heavy thing you have to wrap your arms around to carry. Holding it weighs you down, not the other person. Set it down anytime. Right now, for instance. Keep moving.”
“Expect that what you tend to will grow. Expect that what you feed with your care and attention, what you shine your light on, will thrive. Choose wisely. Keep moving.”
Quote from my mom on grudges:
“Well, you've heard this before. People say that holding a grudge weighs you down, not the other person. So that's how forgiveness is tied into grudge holding. If you can forgive somebody and keep moving forward, it's much better for you psychologically.”
This Year’s Rosh Hashanah Menu
ROUND CHALLAH: If you want the challah recipe I’ve used for years and wrote about in this essay at On Being, respond to this email. I will send you the pdf version. I am supplementing the seven loaves I made (and froze), with some special ones from Morgan’s Broth and Buns in Minneapolis. We use round ones all the way through Sukkot so I wanted some extras without making another batch.
FISH: I don’t serve any kind of starter fish even though that’s technically traditional. I will have apples and honey on the table. Obviously!
SOUP: I’m skipping soup this year, because honestly it’s a lot of extra work, and the rest of my menu is a lot of food. But in the past, I’ve made Ina Garten's Butternut Squash and Apple Soup recipe because she's THE QUEEN. Some do matzah ball soup, but I save that for Passover in my house.
SALAD: I’m doing a salad from Millennial Kosher with quinoa, beets, some basic veggies, and a basic vinaigrette. I’ll sprinkle pomegranate seeds on top in honor of the holiday.
BRISKET: I’m trying Jake Cohen’s brisket recipe from his brand new cookbook, I Could Nosh. I don’t usually like to experiment on a holiday with a giant and expensive cut of meat, but this year I’m throwing all caution to the wind. I’ve made and loved this one from Smitten Kitchen many times. I’ve also liked Tori Avey’s.
CHICKEN: I’m making Ina’s tried and true Chicken Marbella.
SIDE DISHES: I’ll do an apple noodle kugel. I haven’t picked the recipe yet. If you have a good non-dairy one, send it my way. I seem to make a new one each year and it’s always fine. I don’t love kugel. Also, as always around here, I’ll serve roasted veggies, which are the easiest thing on this menu. But as I’m writing this, I’m wondering if I need roasted potatoes, too?
DESSERT: Back to Jake Cohen’s new book, I’m choosing between one of his apple cakes. I will buy something chocolate and dairy-free. My friend is bringing berries!
TV Shows I’m Watching and Books I’m Reading
I’m still reading Worldwide Crush by Kristin Nilsen and The Miracle Child by Kelly Lang and Michael Lang.
See my updated 2023 reading list here.
Bryan and I started Suits on Netflix! It’s so rare for us to find a show we both like.
JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP WHERE WE TALK ABOUT BOOKS AND TV OFTEN
I’d love to include your friendship ritual/tradition stories in an upcoming episode!
Do you have a tradition or ritual with friends that has kept your friendship together? Perhaps the friendship might have drifted apart because of the reality of adult life, but this tradition or ritual has kept you connected?
Or maybe you have a fun and special tradition that listeners could learn from and implement in their own lives?
Ways to respond:
Reply to this email if you don’t need the answer to be anonymous. (Or, you can just tell me in the email not to use your name in the episode.)
Leave a voicemail that I can use in the episode.
The latest anonymous friendship advice question
“How to Run Into An Ex-Friend” (The September question is coming next week!)
I got an excellent question about how to handle running into an ex-friend in a way that’s pleasant enough without inviting a renewed friendship. I gave a few personal examples of what NOT TO DO—things I wish I’d STOP doing when I see a former friend out in the world.
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode idea you want to share with me?
You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links
Shana tova, Nina!
Happy new year, Nina! This menu sounds incredible