Don’t Blame Me For the End of Our Kids’ Friendship

This is between them.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Dear Nina,

My friend “Meredith” of over four years and I stopped talking because she was so upset that our teen boys are no longer friends. Meredith felt my son was the reason for the damaged friendship. Without going into detail here, I told Meredith there are always two sides to the story and I was trying to understand both. 

I apologized to her that this whole thing happened. But sadly, I can't make my son be friends with her son again. He has his reasons. Meredith told she me she wants nothing more to do with me and can't believe my son treated her son this way after all they have been through together. 

Now I feel hurt and confused because I didn't ask for this, and I feel awkward because I will be seeing Meredith and her family at games and at high school functions in general. 

What would you do in this situation?

Signed, Distraught

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Dear Distraught, 

I’m distraught too! It’s hard enough being responsible for our own friendship behavior and choices. Are we reaching out enough? Are we keeping up with texts and calls? Are we making time, showing up, and being thoughtful?

Now we’re supposed to take personal responsibility for our teenagers’ friendship choices? No. I refuse to do that. You should refuse, too.

Friendships evolve at all ages, but especially in adolescence. Meredith’s anger towards you is misplaced. You shouldn’t be the one apologizing or accepting any blame.

I assume you spoke with your son and made sure he thought of every way he could have been kinder, gentler, or somehow made this friendship work. If he owes Meredith’s son an apology for the way things were handled, that should be encouraged. And if he doesn’t give an apology that might be owed and if he was a jerk to Meredith’s son, that reflects on your son, not on you. He’s a teenager and will make mistakes. Look—Meredith is an adult and is making a BIG mistake.