You Should Be Friends With People You Like

According to my inbox, that's not always obvious.

“Be friends with people you like,” sounds like obvious advice, but you’d surprised how often it’s the appropriate answer to letters I receive. My mom chimes in for this month’s answer, too.

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Dear Nina,

I realize that I do not have a clear perception of friendship and it has kept me from having true friends. My mother is often judgmental of those who truly like me and want to be my friend. She always finds something wrong about them.

In high school and college, I made a group of friends that, for the most part, she approved of. It turned out, however, that they weren't truly my friends. It only took one incident for them to turn on me.

I have since met people who I believe like me and want to get to know me better, but I look at them through my mother's eyes. In the back of my mind, she is saying, "She's too old/too young for you" or "Isn't she kind of strange?"

How do I get past this and accept the people who have the potential to be true friends for who they are and embrace their friendship, flaws and all?

Thank you, Friendless

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Dear Friendless,

My first piece of advice when it comes to making friends is this: