Your Soberish Friends
Plus: emotional courage when moving to a new city
Is your friend “sober curious?” Are you?
I can’t remember when I first became aware of the expression “sober curious.” The term is usually credited to Ruby Warrington, author of Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol.
The book came out in 2018, but I never read it, and to be completely honest, I’m not that big of a drinker so I didn’t pay attention to the movement until those two words started popping up everywhere. Sober + curious. The word “soberish” is showing up more, too.
It’s important to note that “sober curious” and “soberish” are different from sobriety. In the sober curious movement, people want to experiment with how they feel when they don’t drink. They’re considering how much drinking has become part of so many social situations, and they’re wondering what life would be like without the hazy effect of that second (or third, fouth, or even FIRST) drink. It is often a health consideration, but one that carries social implications if drinking is a big part of your social world.
That’s where my interest comes into play.
I’m most familiar with the term “sober curious” from my long-distance writing/podcasting friend, Hallie Sawyer. I’ve appreciated her writing over the years about the creep of alcohol into so many aspect of her life in Kansas City, the wine-themed merchandising aimed at women, and her related thoughts on friendship in midlife—now, for her, without alcohol.
I knew I would have Hallie on Dear Nina eventually to discuss her experiences giving up alcholol, and the end of what some people call “dry January” felt like the perfect time.
FIND EPISODE #130 on Apple, Spotify, Youtube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
A few articles for further reading:
“Not Just Sober-Curious, but Neo-Temperate: How sobriety went from a radical social movement to a tool of self-optimization” by Shayla Love in The Atlantic
“Not Drunk, Not Dry: What It Means to Be ‘Soberish’. Conscious of the health risks of alcohol, more people are experimenting with cutting back on drinking.” by Emily Schmall in the NYT
Quick piece of BIG news
Dear Nina has its first official sponsor! Have you heard of Armoire? It’s a clothing rental company that makes getting dressed easy. With a monthly membership from Armoire, build a wardrobe with lots of variety and room to experiment. I’ve been wearing sweaters from Armoire lately, and I love that I can switch them out throughout the month. Right now Dear Nina listeners (and readers) can give Armoire a try and get up to 50% off their first month. Use code DEARNINA or follow the link.
Friend groups vs Community
I cannot tell you how much I love being a guest on a podcast episode! (I keep a Spotify playlist of those here.)
I get to do lots of talking, none of the editing, and I never quite know where the conversation will go. Recently I joined Australian podcaster, Dr. Emily Matheson of
, who moved to NYC in the past few years. We talked about the high and lows of being a newcomer with my usual “tough” love approach to helping people see how much work it takes FOR THE NEWCOMER to create the social life they want.I reminisced about the mistakes I made when I moved to Minneapolis at the age of 23, and the mistakes I see others make now. I’m here to help! We can all do better. I especially loved our section on friend groups vs. community.
You’ll love Emily’s take on these topics AND her gorgeous accent!
Listen anywhere you get your podcasts. Or watch us on Youtube!
I need your opinion!
It’s been over 3.5 years of podcasting and “Substacking” as Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m finally surveying my audience. Please consider filling out this VERY SHORT and ANONYMOUS survey to help me serve your friendship needs and interests.
REMINDER: We’re doing monthly friendship challenges here! Whenever you’re reading this, start today! And it’s free. All you need is a little bit of courage and a willingness to try more than once each month if you don’t get the results you want at first. The February challenge is coming VERY soon!
Books, Shows, etc. I’m Into These Days
Reading: I’m in the middle of a few books right now for the podcast, but I just finished SC Perot’s upcoming memoir, Styles of Joy. And yes, she will be on the podcast next month (or March). I really enjoyed the book.
My 2024 book reviews all in one place. And I just started the 2025 page, which includes what I’m reading now.
TV: I’m not watching anything right now! But I’m excited about White Lotus starting in a few weeks.
Cooking: I’ve made the hot honey salmon from The Ambitious Kitchen cookbook by Monique Volz a few times in the last few weeks. Everyone in the family loved it, which is rare.
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship. All the social media links are below.
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The first anonymous friendship advice of 2025
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
Read all the other anonymous questions and answers you might have missed.
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Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links
Hi Nina — thank you for covering this important topic and of course love that you did it with the amazing Hallie! — Jen (10 years sober over here and still navigating social spaces and friendships with the lens of drinking, not drinking and all the gray area in between!)
I really really want to talk to you about friendships and community... I have been thinking about this a lot!