You've Outgrown This Friendship (For Now)

But don't burn it down. You never know what the future holds.

End sign photo by Patrick Perkins on Unsplash

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Dear Nina,

I’d like your advice on a friendship I’ve had for about 20 years. She and I met in college when we were 18. We are both in our 30s now and live about a six-hour drive apart.

Our lives are very different. She is married with a seven-year-old. She works a contract job, which requires her to travel in-state. I’m married, no kids. I work from home, and I have plenty of time to travel and visit friends and family all over the country.

I haven’t seen this friend since my wedding, five years ago. And although I’ve offered to visit and even stay in a hotel so I don’t disrupt her daily routine, she has refused. She hardly calls, and when we do talk on the phone, I am irritated by her.

I think it’s safe to say that we have outgrown each other. What does it sound like to you? Please let me know if I am being unreasonable.

Thanks, Tired of Being Pushed Away

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Dear Tired of Being Pushed Away,

You’re not being unreasonable in your feeling that the two of you have outgrown each other. It certainly seems that way to me. At least for now.

Your friend’s lack of interest in any visits for the past five years is sending you a message. And her lack of effort to communicate in general is sending you a message. Message received!