May Challenge: Switch the Setting to Strengthen Your Friendship
The Secret Power of the Venue Change
Some of my friendships grew deeper almost by accident. We didn’t have a dramatic heart-to-heart about our desire to become closer friends. More often than not, one of us invited the other to do something or go somewhere different than the usual routine OR to communicate in a new way.
I left a voice memo instead of a text. Or my friend called me!
My friend suggested we carpool to an event and we’d never been in a car together.
We finally grabbed lunch away from our co-working space after months of talking inside the walls of that office.
I sent a funny video via text when we’d never been reel-exchangers before.
A social media friend asked for my email address.
My tennis friend invited me to a mahjong group.
Hanging out in a new place or communicating in a new way encourages the friendship along in a positive, unexpected way. It works for refreshing old friendships too!
The Dear Nina May Friendship Challenge: Change the Venue
Every month on Dear Nina (the podcast) I offer one small, doable challenge to deepen or revive the friendships already in our lives or make new friends. I say “our” lives because I do the challenges too.
May’s challenge might be the sneakiest one yet. It’s not too hard but, it packs a HUGE punch.
Change the venue.
Sometimes the quickest path to more connection isn’t what you say to a friend, but where (or how) you spend time together.
Why “venue” matters more than you think
By venue, I mean two things:
The actual place where you see a friend.
OR, the channel you use to connect. (Text, phone calls, voice notes, sending memes, hanging out in person)
When you alter either the place or the “channel,” the energy between you and your friend will change. It will be a subtle shift, but even this minor new experience or way of chatting can take you off auto-pilot, teach you something new about your friend, allow your friend to see a new side of you, and offer flexibility for the different seasons of your lives. For example, the Sunday morning walk you used to enjoy with a neighbor might not work anymore if she’s now taking care of a parent on the weekends.
I explain it all in the 13-minute episode: “The Secret Power of Changing the Venue in Your Friendship” and offer tons of examples and reasons why this is great for your friendships.
FIND EPISODE #144 on Apple, Spotify, Youtube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
The May Friendship Challenge Checklist
Pick one person who’s already in your orbit. This could be a newer friendship or a longstanding one that’s feeling stuck.
Notice your default venue. Maybe your entire friendship has devolved into only sending each other funny reels. (Not that I’m against reels or TikToks. I send plenty!) Perhaps you always meet for dinner and have not seen your friend in the daylight in years. Or is this a work friend you’ve never seen outside the office? Is this a walking friend who you always see side-by-side but rarely across a table?
Propose a venue change. Ask “the memes buddy” to grab coffee. Ask the dinner friend if she wants to see a show in town, go for a walk, or find a volunteer opportunity together. Could you and your walking friend find a new route or even do some bookstore browsing one time instead of the usual workout? Could you go out for lunch? You get the idea.
Keep the suggestion light but specific. A date, a time, and no guilt if it doesn’t work this time around. I’ve written an entire post about the importance of scheduling plans with dates and times as a start. (And not just vaguely suggesting getting together.)
See what changes. Even a few times a year in a fresh setting beats letting the friendship coast on autopilot.
Remember: you’re not announcing, “I’d like us to be closer now.” You’re showing not telling. You’re quietly nurturing a deeper, more varied connection.
Let me know how it goes!
REMINDER: You can start the 2025 challenge any time. Each month is meant to stand alone and you don’t need an entire month to accomplish any of them. Find all the challenges listed here. Come back and let me know how it went no matter when you try that month’s “assignment.”
Hit reply to this email and share your progress with any month’s challenge
Or pop into the Dear Nina Facebook group where we compare notes, celebrate small wins, and troubleshoot friendship issues together.
Two anonymous friendship advice questions you might have missed
Let’s connect outside of this newsletter: You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group. All the social media links are below. I know I need to get rid of some them!
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I love these friendship challenges! Thank you 😊
I recently changed up the time/day I see a certain group of friends. This group often gets together for weeknight dinners. Last week we had a school-free Friday and I suggested a play date for our kids at a park, even though only some of the kids know each other. That worked fine. Before we left I casually tossed out the idea of trying a new, buzzy restaurant for an early dinner the next day, on Saturday. Three of us could do it and it was a hit. We weren’t hangry by the time we were eating, we were home well before bedtime and the whole thing felt easy.