Last week Michelle, Kristin, and Carolyn from the Pop Culture Preservation Society (they’re also my real-life friends) invited listeners to an early screening of Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret. I enjoyed it so much! And I have always adored Judy Blume despite the one minor complaint below.
The casting of the movie was just right, including Kathy Bates, who was wonderful as Margaret’s grandmother, Sylvia. Bates had qualities that reminded me of my Grandma Pauline, of blessed memory, who lived alone in a cool condo and let me sleep over often. And like Sylvia, Grandma Pauline made her opinions known.
BUT Sylvia—Why Did You Bring Margaret to Synagogue Services!?
My one complaint about Sylvia was not the fault of Kathy Bates. I guess it’s Judy Blume’s fault, which I hate to say.
I didn’t remember much about the religion plot points of this story, which I read many decades ago. The puberty moments were fresher in my mind. So when Margaret, whose dad is a non-practicing Jew and whose mom is non-practicing Christian, embarks on a journey to explore each religion and choose for herself, I couldn’t help but be super annoyed when Sylvia, the one Jewish role model in Margaret’s life, brings her beloved granddaughter to Shabbat morning services of all places.
This child has had zero Jewish exposure, yet Sylvia brings her to sit and hear Hebrew that means nothing to her, leaving her lost and bored. It takes A LOT of exposure to synagogue services to keep up and appreciate that part of Judaism. Many adults will never get to that level of appreciation in a lifetime. I’m not the biggest fan myself. But synagogue “stuff” is only one part of living Jewishly.
So much of Jewish life takes place in the home. Doesn’t Sylvia have any Jewish friends in NYC where she can take Margaret for some at-home Jewish life? It took a lot for me not to yell at the screen—NOT SERVICES, SYLVIA! ANYTHING BUT SERVICES!
How about a warm, boisterous Shabbat dinner? I wish I could give Margaret fresh challah, chicken soup, roasted chicken and potatoes, and some great conversation. I’m not saying she’d be all in on the Jewish mission, but at least she’d have a chance of leaving that event with a good taste in her mouth, literally and metaphorically. Someone get that girl a slice of babka!
All of these thoughts during the movie were a reminder that I spent many of my early essay publishing days writing about Judaism and subconsciously trying to “sell it.” I’ve retired from that gig for the sake of my sanity, but I’m still the same person, and I can’t help but react when I see something ill-conceived like showing a young teen—one who has no Jewish background—the beauty of Judaism by bringing her to services.
Though I will say the Shabbat scene in the movie had one of the prettiest Ma Tovu prayers I’ve heard. Here’s one I also like by Rick Recht with a quick explanation from Rabbi Micah Greenstein about what the prayer means. (Basically, “Wow, how blessed we are to have woken up today.”)
In other Judy Blume news: Here’s a fun Q&A with Judy Blume in this week’s NYT where she mentions that
will be writing her biography. Mark is coming on Dear Nina in May. I can’t wait to talk to him. I’ve been a fan of his writing for a long time. I will ask him what he thought of this synagogue scene, though it’s not the topic of our episode.What’s our topic? Come back in May to see!
This week on Dear Nina
I had a guest with a harrowing and inspiring story about starting a new life with new friends after a horrific tragedy. This is unlike any story I’ve heard firsthand, and I’m grateful for Jen’s candor and honesty.
Jen Zwinck wrote to me:
Dear Nina,
After my husband was killed, I moved with my daughter to a small island in the Caribbean where I didn’t know a single person. I went there to heal. What surprised me was the friendships that I formed while I was there, these women who came into my life, divinely, I believe, became my angels and my ‘stand-in’ family. We shared the bond of being expats, and I’m still close with them to this day.
FIND EPISODE #52 ON APPLE PODCASTS, SPOTIFY, OR ANYWHERE YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!
Articles About Friendship I’ve Liked Lately
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I share a selection twice a month on ninabadzin.com. The most recent ones are below.
An important essay about ways to help friends who are suffering—ways that don’t involve food. It’s also about asking friends what they need. And about knowing how to answer that question when asked. By Julie Devaney Hogan in Today.com
A devastating essay from author, Amy Silverstein, whose memoir on the friends who kept her company while she waited for a heart transplant is the book I happened to recently finish. In this essay, Amy reveals she has weeks to live, and the issue isn’t her heart—not directly anyway. NYT
Amy was then on CBS Sunday Morning talking about her story and the terrible side effects of the transplant drugs patients must take. In this appearance and in her NYT piece, Amy discusses the pressure transplant patients feel to never complain and only be grateful.
Stars, they’re just like us! They drift apart from friends, too. Thanks to Rebekah Jacobs for sending this one from People Magazine.
Samantha Irby, one of my favorite modern essayists, on what to say to friends who question your taste. Harper’s Bazaar
Latest TV Shows I’m Watching and Books I’m Reading
I’m reading Life in Five Senses by Gretchen Rubin. Gretchen will be on Dear Nina in May! I’m FREAKING OUT! I’ve been a fan since 2009 when she published The Happiness Project.
I’m also reading an early release of the newest essay collection from R. Eric Thomas. It’s called Congratulations, The Best is Over. I’m liking it so far.
On the TV front: I’m watching the newest season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I know most of you have given up on that show, but I will see it through until the end.
Wow, episode three of Succession, season 4, has really moved things along!
Latest Anonymous Friendship Question
My latest question for advice was about reaching out to new people for plans. Also, being stood up, expanding your social network, and accepting the long game of making friends at any age. Lots to discuss! Read it here.
Have an anonymous question or an episode idea you want to share with me?
You can do that here and I will never know it was from you.
Have a great week everyone!
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