Friendship Mistakes and Hard Lessons
It’s my second time as a guest with Jill Smokler—formerly THE Scary Mommy and currently the host of, She's Got Issues. We talked about the most common mistakes people make in friendships, and the hard-learned lessons.
Jill and I were friends at Washington University in St. Louis. “WashU” as we have always called it despite their attempt to rebrand and make us say the full name around the time we were seniors. Too late! We talked about friendship regrets Jill has from that time in her life. And we covered other lessons learned, the hard way.
One regret I have about college is less about something I could have controlled, but it’s a bummer nonetheless. Almost all of my college friends live on the East Coast or in California while I’m in Minneapolis. (Lisa M, I’m counting Cleveland as the East Coast.) I wish I got to see people more! I’m not saying I would have picked a different school, but wow it would have been fantastic if some of the people I spent those four important years with lived nearby in the last two decades. I’m grateful for—and dependent on—our smartphones to stay connected. Go Bears! (I’m not sure I’ve ever said that.)
Find She’s Got Issues: “Friendship– Mistakes & Hard Learned Lessons” anywhere you listen to podcasts! Here it is on Apple & Spotify.
What makes ME envious!
Speaking of second visits, I had Christie Tate on Dear Nina again. This time I revealed something I envy a lot about certain people. We also talked about competition, ghosting, and friendship triangles.
To quote Christie in the episode:
"Triangles exist. There's a reason why if you say the word triangle to a woman, she's like, not good, not a good configuration. And everybody knows that. It's a real dicey shape."
FIND EPISODE #47 ON APPLE, SPOTIFY, OR ANYWHERE YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!
Lower the bar?
In episode #46 with guest, Shari Leid, (who is visiting a new person in all 50 states), we made the case for the casual friendship. We also talked about expanding your friendship network by putting yourself out there to connect with new and old friends, and considering whether your "bar for entry” to friendship is too high.
FIND EPISODE #46 ON APPLE, SPOTIFY, OR ANYWHERE YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!
Latest Books and TV Shows
I finished two essay collections. First, My Life as a Villainess by
. These were quick, relatable essays with a nice sense of humor and self-awareness. I liked reading about the friendship between Lippman and author, Ann Hood. I also read The End of Solitude: Selected Essays on Culture and Society by William Deresiewicz. I liked the sections on friendship and on higher education. I had to skim the other parts.I loved Emma Nadler’s memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden—a beautifully and honestly told story about raising a child with a rare genetic deletion. Emma will be on the show this spring. I also finished We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship by Will Schwalbe. I’m interviewing Will this week for the show!
Daisy Jones & The Six on Amazon Prime is officially better than the book. (In my opinion!)
I’m still adoring Shrinking on Apple TV.
I might give up on Dear Edward on Apple. It’s so bleak.
I finished The Last of Us on HBO. Ummmmm. Let’s talk, fellow fans. I won’t leave any spoilers here, but feel free to respond by email. I’m just feeling . . . gutted?
Articles About Friendship I’ve Liked Lately
I love doing these friendship roundups on my website! I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I share a selection twice a month on ninabadzin.com. The most recent ones are below.
A gym for your feelings? Taking “social fitness” to the next level by Rina Raphael, The LA Times
New walking clubs are popping up for making friends by Chavie Lieber in WSJ
I Love You Now Leave Me Alone: What Friendship Means to Introverts by Catherine Pearson, NYT (At least five of you sent this one!)
How Loneliness Reshapes the Brain by Marta Zaraska, Quanta Magazine
I’m Coming Clean About Friend Envy & You Should, Too by Caroline Whiteley, Refinery29
Latest Anonymous Friendship Question
I opened my latest advice letter to all Substack readers. This one really moved people, and it gives you a taste of the monthly questions and answers.
Abrupt Silence After Vacationing Together: Obsessing About the End of a Friendship and Accepting Rejection
The Dear Nina Book Club—Spring Session
At the Dear Nina book club, we discuss books about friendship. Each session is a stand alone experience. I’d love to see you at all of them. But since signups are for one book at a time, come to what you can. We do a mix of fiction and non-fiction. Book club freedom!
WHEN: Monday, April 17th, 2023 at 7:00PM, CST.
WHERE: We will meet on Zoom.
THE BOOK: Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin
I can’t wait to talk about this novel and friendship LIVE with some of you! And it will be great for you to meet each other. Session #1 featuring Truth & Beauty was a fantastic conversation.
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photo by Nate Dumlao on Unsplash