White Lotus: In Defense of Friendship Triangles
All friendship "shapes" require communication, benefit of the doubt, and more
The White Lotus Friendship Trio: Lessons for Your Real-Life Friendships
It’s a very special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship dedicated to the much-discussed and debated friendship triangle in White Lotus Season 3 created by Mike White.
The friendship trio of Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie has captivated TV viewers for the last two months. Similarly, Rebekah Jacobs (the Dear Nina assistant producer) and I have been texting and talking between episodes. Now that the season finale has aired, we shared all the lessons we think Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie imparted on the world. Even their mistakes gave us plenty of friendship advice to ponder.
A big point that Rebekah and I agree on: Not all friendship triangles are bad! YES, even this particular trio has us defending friendship triangles. No friendship "shape" is good or bad. How individuals behave creates healthy or unhealthy friendships!
Friendship advice we discussed inspired by The White Lotus season 3 trio:
Think carefully before sharing information with a friend. (Kate telling Laurie about Valentin)
Be vulnerable sooner than you think. (Laurie didn't have to wait until the last night of the trip.)
Be direct, not passive-aggressive. And don't assume friends can read your mind.
Apologize and accept apologies when they're genuine
Friends don't always have to be on the same page about everything
Give your friends grace to mess up/ let some things go
Friends are not necessarily mirrors of each other
Allow friends to change and grow
Know the difference between gossip vs. genuine care and concern
Give old friendships some of the fun, ease, and benefit of the doubt we give fresh, new friendships (Chelsea/Chloe vs. the trio of old friends)
Don't a friend to meet every need
Truth daggers hurt. You can be honest with your friends without being cruel.
FIND EPISODE #141 on Apple, Spotify, Youtube, and anywhere you listen to podcasts!
REMINDER: The April friendship challenge is here! You can start the 2025 challenge any time. Each month is meant to stand alone and you don’t need an entire month to accomplish any of them. Find all the challenges listed here. Come back and let me know how it went no matter when you try that month’s “assignment.”
STAY IN TOUCH AND LET US KNOW HOW IT GOES by commenting here or in the Dear Nina Facebook group.
FOR TWIN CITIES READERS WHO WANT TO START A PODCAST
I’m running a two-hour workshop at ModernWell on May 14th, 12:30-2:30. I’ll discuss all the steps, answer questions, and we’ll end with time to run your idea by everyone at the table. Register here.
Books, Shows, Recipes I’m Into These Days
Reading: I’m still reading Talk: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves by Allison Wood Brooks. I started listening to The Tell by Amy Griffin and it’s really good. My 2025 reading list can be found here. I update it throughout the year.
TV: Nothing this week now that I’m done with White Lotus.
Cooking: It’s 100% Passover prep over here.
Two anonymous friendship advice questions you might have missed
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Great analysis and advice. Also I can't stop thinking about that line..."I am glad you have a beautiful face and I'm glad that you have a beautiful life." I teared up!
Nina, it was SO MUCH FUN to explore and dissect this trio together. I loved thinking about what each character needed from each other (but weren't receiving until the end). Finally, after being real and vulnerable, they were able to laugh and cry together. I hope this friendship reboot lasts when they get back to the States, but it will take effort. I think they will always face some friendship complexities, and they will have to backpedal--and then try again (which is what you do with the people you love).