Friendship with your sisters-in-law?
Also your cousins, neighbors, roommates, and siblings.
What do sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, cousins, neighbors, roommates, and even siblings have in common? They’re relationships that aren’t quite friendships, but could be. These relationships don’t have to be “friendships” for a warm, deep connection. And even if they’re not as friendly as you’d like, you’re going to be in a relationship of some kind anyway. So it’s best to find a way to get along.
You’ve written me many letters about your sisters-in-law!
I rarely cover family relationships in the newsletter or on the podcast because family is NOT the same as friendship. However, since I consistently receive letters about sisters-in-law, I decided it was time to broach the topic. Readers and listeners are definitely struggling with this friend-like dynamic.
I’m here for you!
Let me first say, I have a wonderful relationship with my three sisters-in-law. I’m lucky! I’ve been married for over 23 years, so I’ve had significant time to learn about the intricacies of in-law relationships and their potential to add depth and happiness to our lives if we come to them with the right mindset. This is not unlike cousins, roommates, neighbors, and even siblings—all relationships that are their own special category and not the same as friendship. We hurt the potential of these relationships by generalizing them through the lens of friendship.
Friendships are always a choice, which makes family different. Again, you can absolutely be friends with your siblings-in-law (and siblings, cousins, etc.) but you’re going to be in each other’s lives even if you choose not to be friends. (Which is what I’m trying to get at here. I do a better job in the episode!)
The reason I used this recent anonymous letter about a difficult sister-in-law for the podcast this week instead of for the newsletter is because the answer required a tone of voice and more discussion than is possible here. And I made that episode the first one in my new Letter Spotlight series.
I’ll be sharing one letter every 5-6 weeks on the podcast! I hope you find them helpful.
Listen to episode #107 on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Another recent episode: Healing After Being Dropped From a Group of (Adult) Friends
I spoke to writer and podcaster, Meghan Judge, about her experience being dropped by an entire group of friends in a small community. This happened in her adult life (and not that long ago). Meghan takes us through her story of becoming friends with this group, all that happened when the friendships fell apart, and how she’s taking care of her mental health now.
Listen to episode #106 on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Articles and Other Finds About Friendship
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
“How to Spot a Frenemy and be a Real Friend” by Arthur C. Brooks (The Atlantic)
“Moments That Make Us: How Friendship Helped Oprah Winfrey & Gayle King Navigate Life’s Big Changes” Melinda Gates interviews Oprah and Gayle (Youtube)
Books, Shows, Etc. I’m Into These Days
I cannot believe I haven’t read it, but I’m finally starting My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante I know—It’s inexcusable that it took me this long.
Still reading the essay collection/memoir, First Love: Essays on Friendship by Lilly Dancyger. Probably the first essay collection I’ve enjoyed in a while. I’ve put many down.
See my full 2024 reading list, which I update on my website throughout the year.
TV: I finished Abbott Elementary, and I miss it already. My husband and I are getting close to the end of season 4 of Suits.
Cooking: I’ve been trying to recreate the basil vinaigrette I love from Crisp & Green. I can’t say it’s been successful yet.
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, Twitter/X, and most often— in my Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship.
Two past anonymous friendship advice questions
“I regret investing so much in this friendship.”
“You Should be Friends with People You Like.” (My mom chimed in for this one.)
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
A FAVOR: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review and 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. Scroll down after you arrive at the main page of Dear Nina on Apple Podcasts to highlight all 5 stars and press the “write a review” option. It can be one-sentence. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you listen on Spotify, you can leave stars there too!
Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links
This was very timely for me! I appreciate your insights into SIL relationships that can be far more complex than many imagine.