It’s interesting (to me) how one friendship theme emerged in my recent “ask me anything” bonanza in honor of my 101st episode. I wish I could say I astutely organized the questions around a theme, but my choices were more on the gut-feel level.
Most weeks I receive questions from my anonymous form, and I chose a few of the shorter ones for this episode. I also used questions from my Facebook group (Dear Nina: The Group), and from Instagram and TikTok.
What was the theme?
No matter the situation the letters described, the answers amounted to me advising people to be more direct with their friends.
There’s a topic you don’t want to talk about? Say so, nicely. There’s a topic you DO want talk about it? Say so, nicely. Being more direct is the best course of action in most cases. The moment we hope our friends know what we’re thinking or assume we know what they’re thinking, we create unneeded tension.
I also covered the common struggle with the words “best friend,” teens who never make plans, letting friends hang out without you, and more. All in under 30 minutes!
I enjoyed the opportunity to tackle more questions from my inbox than I can in the paid version of this newsletter. (Though I definitely go into way more detail in the written version of my advice since I focus on one question at a time in those posts.) The written topics I’ve covered are here.
The “ask me anything” episode can be found here, which is a link to any place you could possibly find a podcast.
Camp Friendships: They’re Not Always Magical
I titled the long-awaited camp episode, “The Magic of Camp Friends,” but the truth is, camp friendships can have the same issues as school friendships. After the episode aired, I heard from some people who remembered their campmates as snobbish and cliquey.
That element definitely exists and some camps are worse in that regard than others. Still, I couldn’t ignore that the voicemails and emails I received before the episode significantly skewed towards the positive.
One email from my cousin, Fran, about her husband, Bob (my dad’s cousin), came after I’d recorded the episode, but I wanted to share some of it since I don’t represent men all that often in my work.
Dear Nina,
I must tell you, Bobby Sachs, will be 75 in July. He started day camp at the age of five and met his friend, Steve. They both went to Camp Menominee overnight camp as campers and counselors, and then we married. After Steve married, the four of us would go to family camp each summer, which lasted until our oldest daughter went to college. Then the "boys" started Fantasy Camp—eight weeks of camp in four days for men 18 through whenever.
Now, the four-day camp has progressed to a few of the guys who were at camp as campers going for eight days. There may be more fishing than playing softball now, but that gives them time to talk about emotions and family. Through hip and knee replacements, back surgery, major health issues, each summer these guys return to their "happy" place and continue their friendship. The 70 years of being at camp has molded them into the men they are.
“The Magic of Camp Friends”
They say camp friends are the best friends. Why? At camp there are no screens, you take risks, parents aren't breathing down your back, and the magic ingredients of endless hours + constant proximity make it possible to create intense, close bonds with kids your age.
In this special episode, I have voicemails from campers and former campers ages 15-50, and I have a fantastic in-depth discussion about the highs (and lows) of camp friendships with author,
Articles and Other Finds About Friendship
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
“The Vexing Problem of the ‘Medium Friend’ by Lisa Miller in the NYT. (gift link, and thank you to Colleen T for sending to me!)
“It’s hard to reconnect with old friends. Science may have a solution.” Olivia Ferrari in National Geographic
Books & Shows I’m Into These Days
On my Kindle, I started reading an early release copy of Emily Giffin’s newest, The Summer Pact. I’m listening to The Book of Love by Kelly Link. And in hardcover I started First Love: Essays on Friendship by Lilly Dancyger (thanks to my friend, Julie L!)
See my full 2024 reading list, which I update on my website throughout the year.
TV: I finished Bridgerton and I’m bummed we have to wait so long for another one. I’m still working my way through The Bear. I don’t find myself eager to watch it, but I do want to see how the second season goes. I am LOVING the third season of Abbott Elementary.
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, Twitter/X, and most often— in my Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship.
Two past anonymous friendship advice questions
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode idea you want to share with me? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
“Embrace Your Older (and Younger) Friends”
“Don’t Blame Me for the End of our Kids’ Friendship”
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