Be a more generous friend
And reviving a friendship decades later
My last two episodes feature separate topics and guests who know nothing of each other. But it occurred to me in the editing process that the women described in episode 119 (“Reviving Friendships That Drifted Apart”) perfectly embody the qualities discussed in episode 120 (“Six Ways to be More Generous in Your Friendships.”)
When Kay Paschal was telling me about the invitations she had to keep turning down—for decades—and the way these women still welcomed her years later, I kept saying, “that’s so generous.” I admired Kay for the way she reflected on the potential of these old friendships as she retired from a demanding career. And I suspect Kay was generous towards these women in her own way for the decades she was a less a present friend considering how welcoming those women were as Kay found herself with more time.
In episode 120, psychotherapist and author,
, returns for her second visit to the show. We discussed some of our personal stories about learning to be more generous with our friends and shared six concrete ways to practice generosity. We’re not talking about money!Learn a bit more about each episode below, and let me know what you think!
What if your next good friend is an old friend who drifted away from your life for reasons of circumstance? If you’re lonely, you’ve moved, or you simply want to shake up your social life, your next solid friendship might be waiting for you in “the past.” Yes, reviving old friendships could be the missing piece in your current friendships. Maybe you went to college with this friend, worked together, sat on the bleachers when the kids were young, or met from any number of ways we connect with others. Not all past friendships merit a revival, but some do!
My guest is author Kay Paschal, who shares her story of having a tight group of friends in her 20s who welcomed her back in after decades of little time together. Now retired, Kay is reflective on friendships in a way that inspired me. I think you’ll enjoy what she has to say.
FIND EPISODE #119 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere else you get your podcasts.
Being generous in our friendships makes us better friends and keeps solid friends in our lives. We're not talking about money here! To quote this week's guest, relationship-based therapist and author, Emma Nadler, "When we act more generously we feel better. So there's a lot in it for you, too."
We discussed Emma's top five ways to be a more generous friend, and I added one of mine to the list. So yes, in 29 minutes you're getting SIX ways to be more generous in your friendships, which research links to a happier, more fulfilling life.
FIND EPISODE #120 on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or anywhere else you get your podcasts.
Articles and Other Finds About Friendship
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
My meme about sending memes to friends went sort of viral on Instagram.
Mentioned in episode 120: Olga Khazan's Atlantic articles: "The Friendship Paradox" and "Stop Firing Your Friends"
“Leftover Love” a story of intergenerational friendships by Chris J. Rice in Oldster
Books, Shows, etc. I’m Into These Days
Reading: Still reading and enjoying You are Here by David Nicholls (author of ONE DAY). The dialogue is some of the best I’ve read in a while.
See my full 2024 reading list, which I update on my website throughout the year.
TV: I’m only watching Shrinking these days even though I keep intending to watch Disclaimer and The Martha Stewart documentary.
Cooking: My son’s bar mitzvah is any day, and I had a few other schedule hiccups. I’m on order-in survival over here.
My very random thoughts about “store rewards” on TikTok.
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can find me most often in the Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship. All the social media links are below.
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Two anonymous friendship advice questions you might have missed
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