The 14-Day Friendship Mindset Cleanse
Plus: 5 Questions to Evaluate Your Friendships
“Cleanse” is a rough word. Don’t you agree? It’s rife with vibes of snake oil salesmen promising to eliminate your health problems. The current obsession with purist eating also comes to mind. The friendship cleanse in this week’s episode is not that kind of “cleanse.”
The 14-day friendship (mindset) cleanse is the brainchild of previous Dear Nina guest,
, whose book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, is finally out in the world.The concept, which is just one part of her book, is about reconsidering how you’re approaching friendships and how you’re treating your closest friends. Your closest friend list, by the way, should not be too long—another point Anna highlights often in her work.
Anna also focuses significantly on the action part of friendship, which I agree with as well. You’re not good friends just because you say so. What actions do you take to back that up? Those actions don’t have to be daily or weekly, but close friendships are living, breathing, forward-moving relationships. There’s a place for friendships based on memories, too, and those are very special. But they’re not the same as active friendships so expectations needs to match the current, realistic status. We get into all of that in the episode!
By the end of this episode, which is episode 99 by the way (!!), you will have a healthier frame for thinking through your friendships, and you’ll know why I became friends with Anna after her visit to the podcast almost two years ago when we talked about lopsided friendships.
5 Questions to Evaluate Your Friendships
It’s rare for me to start an episode with a number, but here I am with two in a row.
In last week’s episode I presented 5 questions I want us to be asking ourselves to get a sense of where our friendships stand at the of the “school year”. Even if you’re not a student or a parent, thinking in school months is a helpful measure of time. Maybe you got some grades. Maybe your kids got grades. Maybe at work you received an evaluation. It’s also giving yourself an honest assessment of your friendships. And if you DO have kids of any age all the way through college, this is a good short episode to send them.
I’m saying “us” because I’m here assessing right along with you as I’m trying to be the friend I want to be and have friendships in my life that feel fulfilling.
The 5 questions (in the photo below) also make good journal prompts. Each question deserves more time than I can give them on the podcast. I’ve personally found as a writing teacher (and a lifelong writing student) that putting pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard brings unexpected answers to the surface.
Friendship in your 20s and 30s
It was fun speaking “from the future” to give my 40s-something advice to a 20s/30s audience. Thanks to Lisa Giordano of the Surthriving Podcast for having me!
Articles and Other Finds About Friendship
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
“Let’s Make This the Golden Age of Friendship” by this week’s guest, Anna Goldfarb. Washington Post
Woman Refuses to Go on Girls' Trip, Says She Doesn't Want to Talk About Marriage / Babies for 3 Days People Magazine
“In Praise of My Friends’ Passions” by two-time Dear Nina guest, Christie Tate. This absolutely spoke to me. Similar to Christie, I love when friends are really enthusiastic about a hobby or topic, and I love when friends let me talk about my favorite things, too.
Books & Shows I’m Into These Days
I can’t say if I’m “into it” yet, but I just downloaded The Book of Love by Kelly Link on audio because the premise intrigues me and some readers have recommended it. I will report back!
See my full 2024 reading list, which I update on my website throughout the year.
TV: I cannot say enough good things about Hacks, which I already mentioned last week. But it’s so good I had to mention it again.
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, Twitter/X, and most often— in my Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship.
Two past anonymous friendship advice questions
“Should I Revive This 15-year Friendship” (in which I reminince about the first time I was ghosted in a massive way)
“Don’t Blame Me Because My Kid Ended a Friendship With Your Kid”
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode idea you want to share with me? You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
A FAVOR: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review and 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. Scroll down after you arrive at the main page of Dear Nina on Apple Podcasts to highlight all 5 stars and press the “write a review” option. It can be one-sentence. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If you listen on Spotify, you can review there too!
Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links
Thank you for having me on your podcast, Nina!! Your support means so much to me. You and I are very aligned in our mission to give people space and permission to talk about these friendship issues. I'm so lucky I get to be your actual friend too!!!