I’ve found when I examine my fear I find relief in asking myself “What is the fear behind the fear?” I use the prompt of one word when I identify a fear. You mentioned the fear of what family and friends think of your actions. I ask myself, “So? What if they disapprove? Then what?” That process helps me get to my core fears.
I love this, and it's basically how I even got this far-- sort of in an unconscious way. But I like the idea of more purposely asking myself this when I have doubts.
The wonderful and wise Dan Blank (via his Creative Shift newsletter- now here on Substack!) cured me of being afraid of what my friends and family think. He writes a lot on sharing what we create. Once he said something about we all want strangers to find and like our work, but practically speaking, we need our friends and family to help those strangers find it. Somehow I was brave enough to start taking his advice. It’s made things much better. I don’t feel like I have to hide my ambition anymore. People give me so much more of a break from social obligations when I say, “I’m giving every spare brain cell to my next round of novel edits,” than when I don’t tell them why I’m not available.
Also once I had the experience of someone telling me second hand how much another friend enjoyed an unpublished short story I’d shared with him. It was so gratifying. That never would have happened if I hadn’t shared the piece with the friend.
I’ve found when I examine my fear I find relief in asking myself “What is the fear behind the fear?” I use the prompt of one word when I identify a fear. You mentioned the fear of what family and friends think of your actions. I ask myself, “So? What if they disapprove? Then what?” That process helps me get to my core fears.
I love this, and it's basically how I even got this far-- sort of in an unconscious way. But I like the idea of more purposely asking myself this when I have doubts.
The wonderful and wise Dan Blank (via his Creative Shift newsletter- now here on Substack!) cured me of being afraid of what my friends and family think. He writes a lot on sharing what we create. Once he said something about we all want strangers to find and like our work, but practically speaking, we need our friends and family to help those strangers find it. Somehow I was brave enough to start taking his advice. It’s made things much better. I don’t feel like I have to hide my ambition anymore. People give me so much more of a break from social obligations when I say, “I’m giving every spare brain cell to my next round of novel edits,” than when I don’t tell them why I’m not available.
Also once I had the experience of someone telling me second hand how much another friend enjoyed an unpublished short story I’d shared with him. It was so gratifying. That never would have happened if I hadn’t shared the piece with the friend.
I love this positive take on it all, Kelly!
First of all, Brava YOU! There is no eyeroll like the eyeroll of one's own child.
It's so constant I'm immune to it. Ha!