Turning Friendship Heartbreak Into Art
Also: Tell me about the good friends you made "in the trenches"
There’s nothing particularly entertaining or artistic about a friendship breakup when you’re in the middle of one. And there are so many of them happening right now as the Israel-Hamas war plays out on social media. I don’t have any scientific data to give you a number, but I see it in the emails people send me full of anguish about the friends who never reached out, the friends who are silent, or the friends who suddenly have strong views over this war, but had never spoken up about faraway conflicts and still say nothing about other horrific conflicts happening presently.
I’m in several Facebook and WhatsApp groups where people report feeling deserted and misunderstood right now. “How can our friendship survive this?” they ask. And I’m not sure they can. For once, I have little advice—at least for now. And they’re not asking me in these groups. They’re asking all of us. None of us knows.
My husband begs me not to get swallowed whole by all the terror and horror I watch on the little screen I carry around all day, but I can’t help myself. Still, I do take a break here and there to make the podcast and run my regular life. And even to laugh.
While my latest interview about a heartbreak from a friendship breakup isn’t exactly what we think of as funny or light on its own, I am thrilled to tell you there is a fantastic comedian who has made humor and art out of a painful friendship breakup he had in college.
Gabe Mollica’s one-man show is called Solo: A Show About Friendship. How could I not feature Gabe on Dear Nina?
Gabe on This American Life
If you’re a fan of This American Life, you might have heard some of comedian Gabe Mollica’s friendship breakup story. Aviva DeKornfeld reported on a story called “Say It To My Face” about Gabe. I don’t want to give too much away from that episode, but for context, Aviva managed to interview not only Gabe, but also his former college best friend, Tim.
The parts of Aviva’s interview with Tim are the fantasy anyone with a friendship breakup has ever had. Gabe got to hear from the friend who got away. And it was that part I related to most in Gabe’s story.
In episode #77 of Dear Nina, you can listen to Gabe and I swap friendship breakup stories and share how we both turned that pain into art. I had a “Tim moment” of my own in college when I realized the friendship break-up I had mourned for years was barely noticed by my former friend.
Gabe is a masterful storyteller, and his one-man show, Solo: A Show About Friendship, is in the middle of a long run in New York City with shows planned in Chicago and other cities, too.
Information on getting tickets to “Solo” can be found here.
🎧 Listen to episode 77 anywhere you get your podcasts!
For an Upcoming Episode
I'm planning an episode with, Jenny Leon, a writer who I met through the podcast. She read my newsletter last month about how to pitch me an idea for the show and wrote a fantastic pitch herself.
We're going to talk about friendships formed "in the trenches." Jenny's extremely moving example is a close friendship born from overlapping chemo schedules. Jenny will discuss it in detail on the episode. I want to hear other examples too and would love to share them. As always, you can:
Comment here (and let me know if it should be anonymous in the ep or not)
Email me by responding to this email.
Leave a voice note that I can edit and share (don't worry I always edit out pauses and ums, etc.) https://www.speakpipe.com/dearnina
Leave a completely anonymous comment here: https://ninabadzin.com/dearnina/
Articles and Episodes About Friendship I’ve Liked Lately
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
“I Thought You Were My Friends” by Joel Stein in Substack. Loved this!
The wonderful poet David Whyte on heartbreak.
“Being a Good Host Has Nothing to Do With Cooking” by Anna Goldfarb in Bustle (I also did an episode— #22— on this topic with my friend, Debra of @fortheloveofcookbooks. We both love to host, and I’d say we agree with Anna’s take. It’s not about the food!)
TV Shows I’m Watching and Books I’m Reading
I managed to look away from my phone for long enough to finish The Breakaway by Jennifer Weiner and really enjoyed it.
See my updated 2023 reading list here.
I’m watching Lessons in Chemistry on AppleTV. Can you believe I never read the book? Maybe I’d like the show more if I had. I like it enough to keep going, but I wouldn’t say I love it. I’m also watching The Morning Show, which is also good, but not great.
I recently purchased Shabbat by Adeena Sussman. So far I’ve made the chicken & rice soup and the caramel apple kugel. Both were GREAT.
JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP WHERE WE TALK ABOUT BOOKS AND TV OFTEN
The last two anonymous friendship advice questions
“How to Run Into an Ex-Friend”
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode idea you want to share with me?
You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links