On the day in 2001 when Kelly Lang’s minivan was pushed through an intersection by a reckless driver while her two young daughters, 5 and 3, were in the back, Kelly’s husband was on his way back from a work trip. It was Kelly’s friend, Kristin, who appeared at the scene to help.
Only three weeks earlier, Kristin’s fourth baby was born. You can imagine Kristin’s exhaustion and the sense of chaos in her house in that immediate postpartum period. This is what it means to be the friend who shows up in an emergency.
Many of us say we would be there for our friends if we got an urgent call, but that’s a theory until it’s tested. Not everyone can rise to the occasion. In a true crisis, it becomes more clear: There are friends you want around you and there are ones you may need to leave behind, perhaps just for a while.
I’m curious if any of you live in cities where you have no family. Have you, like Kelly, ever needed to call a friend in an emergency? Was it clear who that person would be? If you’re comfortable, please share in the comments.
In episode 90 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I spoke to Kelly about the days after the accident and the way friends, like Kristin and others, supported her family then and throughout the years.
Kelly, along with her husband Mike, co-authored a memoir called The Miracle Child: Traumatic Brain Injury and Me. Kelly is a brain injury survivor and a caregiver to her daughter who sustained a traumatic brain injury in that 2001 accident.
I’m honored to release this episode with Kelly during brain injury awareness month. Kelly advocates tirelessly around brain injury support and education. She’s a lovely, gracious person, and a beautiful writer.
Breaking Unhealthy Friendship Patterns
It’s never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships like jealousy, ghosting, competition, and so on.
In honor of the paperback release of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found, I replayed last year’s episode with
. The memoir tells the story of Christie breaking decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships.Do you think you “suck at friendship” as Christie thought about herself before she started this process? There is hope! This was an honest and juicy conversation that gave me compassion for the friend who ghosted me years ago.
Articles and Other Finds About Friendship
I see so many friendship-related things, either because I find them myself or listeners send them to me. I love hearing from listeners and readers!
“It’s Obviously the Phones” — on why people are hanging out less than ever before, having less sex, etc. by Magdalene J. Taylor in Substack
I loved the latest David Sedaris essay in The New Yorker—a beautiful and amusing testament to a many-decades old friendship.
How much should friends be expected to spend on attending your destintation wedding? People Magazine covered this one.
A FAVOR: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review and 5 stars on Apple. Scroll down after you arrive at the main page of Dear Nina to highlight all 5 stars and press the “write a review” option. It can be one-sentence. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Books & Shows
I’m on book 3 of the Sarah J. Maas Court of Thorns series. I’m still liking it; however, a few linguistic choices are really getting to me. It’s better explained on video, which I did here on TikTok. (You don’t need a TikTok account to see it.)
I’m reading Blank by
and enjoing it. I’m excited to moderate her book event in Minneapolis on April 11th!See my full 2024 reading list, which I update on my website throughout the year.
TV: I started The Bear on Hulu, and I’m keeping up with latest season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The most recent episode, “The Dream Scheme,” has been my favorite of the season by far. Vince Vaughn doesn’t get enough credit for his role on this show!
Recipe: I don’t have a specific recipe, but as I reported last week in the Dear Nina Facebook group, I finally learned how to make short ribs. So easy! The kids went crazy for them. I was always intimidated by that cut for some reason.
Want to connect outside of this newsletter? You can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, Twitter, and really most often— in my Facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group, where we discuss books, shows, recipes, and of course, friendship.
Anonymous friendship advice questions
“I Was Not Included in my Friend’s Birthday Dinner”
“You Should be Friends With People You Like”
Have an anonymous question for the newsletter or an episode idea you want to share with me?
You can do that here, and I will never know it was from you.
Have a great week everyone! Links to bookshop.org and Amazon are affiliate links
This is a low stakes example, but I was so honored when the school nurse at my friend’s kid’s school called me out-of-the-blue to pick up her daughter. The nurse couldn’t reach my friend, her husband or her father-in-law. I started a group text with information and a plan and was in the car to get the kid when my friend got out of her client session and handled it herself. I felt so trusted to be their non-family contact!
I enjoyed that David Sedaris piece too - the “friendly bachelor”. . . 🤣
I hold a special spot for the friend who showed up to Presbyterian Lower Manhattan when I was held for 8 hrs for pre-term labor. My husband couldn't make it, and it was such a relief to have a friendly face with me in the room.